not for the weak stomach

i just shit my pants
just now
and not those shits that kind of logs in there and stenches slowly
i'm talking about a splatter shit
all over my underwear
my jockey boxers fully of shit
fuck, these cost $40
and nothing gets chocolate out

then i woke up

i bit my fingernail til it bled
then i touch said shit
and it transferred into particles
into my soul
so now i had to wash my hands
there is still shit in my pants

then i woke up

I've got a clean finger nail
bandaged
but my undies are still full of shit
it doesn't smell too bad yet
and i'm on the bus
this fucking bus is full of people
shit, this bus is going to school
they don't have toilets in the school

then i wake up

i get to school and run to the washroom
it's locked
the shit is dripping down my thigh
onto my calf and into
my ankle socks
and converse hi tops
the only shit i smell is the shit on my fingernail
but i have to keep smelling it
just to know it's actually my shit

reality

i have to give a lecture in 10 mins
i can't concentrate with all this shit in my pants
i can cancel, but i will fail the students
plus i'm not on tenure yet
so i stand up there
with spray shit leaking out my lower body
the students can't smell it
and i can't either
except when i smell my fingers

i shouldn't have eaten than sub that i found stuck in the radiator of my condo