shell

to pre-conceive a notion
it has to be real
not to those who listen
but to those who know
they watch on gently
sometimes help out
the cut is too deep
we must figure it out

4 books alas!
which one makes most sense
I found my leading lady
she makes me want to love again

is this is a dream?
is this really happening?
i've waited for years
we'll kiss and make love

is this only a dream?
thank any god for your luck
as I get under the blanket
with my belle, my equal
my friend, my heart
my belle

my shell

parachute pants

I fell off my bicycle the other day
the monarch will fail
my thigh hurts
so does my elbow
it recreated itself as I watched
with soap and water

I had it
will it come back to me or is it over?
is the dream over?
has it stopped?
losing my mind in the gallows
no a/c, just heat

I move my bed downstairs
comfort
maybe
hopefulness
I doubt it

I fell
will i get back up?
she's waiting with me
the bus arrives
we boredly board
I kiss her and she smiles

"why hello there sunshine"
in a silly voice
it gets me through life
thinking i have something worthwhile
I don't know anymore
wow, the keyboard works on its own

the cue is now
try to find the moment
can I come back?
can I return and speak what thus I know?

did I tell you I fell off my bicycle?
that's just the inciting force,
to madness, despair, maybe love

can you grant three wishes, my genie friend?
will I stay in the underground?
I try to think nicely

did I tell you I fell off my bicycle?

moments

she calls
the wild called
she couldn't stop herself
i'm there to help but she can't stop
she's addicted to the pain
the mayhem, the mannequin
lost in her world
maneuvering herself around
money
wads and wads of money
he shows her
she drools
a better life
maybe a future
she's just so hopeless
stubborn
afraid
high
always high
never listening to a solution
her problems become mine
i ache
i need
i want
she makes me drool
i like it
no i don't
though
i can't stop listening

edit to Idiot Savant

The sun going down on Cape Town was etched in my conscious memory as one of the most beautiful, intrinsic events that I would ever experience. And when I was off duty, I would go to immerse myself in the Johannesburg nightlife, entertained by the beauty of the dark skinned women and the lighter skinned locals. I was still shy at this point and I needed to find a woman because maybe it would take my sorrows away from where I was and why I was there. Why was I there anyways? I just followed orders and took my chances. This could have been anywhere else but I was here.

     

I met her at 19. She was a brown skinned woman and she was 19 as well. I didn't really want to have sex at this point. My mind was on my job and it would take a special woman to get me whatever "out" meant. We would make out in the vegetable garden for hours and look into the sky. I was happy. Is this what love feels like? Nothing like the school nurse or Edna or any other of the women I would meet.

     

I fell in love in a vegetable garden, June 7.

    

She didn't speak English and there were no words to say, just eye contact and smiles. She'd grab my hand when it started raining that night and directed me to a sign of the cross and this was the first time I prayed with someone other than my mother. She closed her eyes and I closed mine and we disappeared into an entity and I broke out laughing uncontrollably and she smiled, with all her pearly white teeth and we were coming. I wanted her, but I had to think of why I was there in the first place, and it was to guard the High Commission of Canada.

    

We kissed, with no tongue, and I pecked at her cheeks and all we did was laugh. I couldn't speak to her and she couldn't speak to me but it was love. And I knew it would end and she disappeared into a crowd in Johannesburg and I never saw her again.

     

Love.

     

I didn't want to go to work the next day. Not able to sleep, I got out of bed at 04:00 and just prayed. I prayed for her and I prayed for me and I prayed for love. I prayed for love. Her love. My love. And the love of the one who knows. My love. And I prayed for an hour. An eternity of prayer and love. One love. My love.

battery operated utopia

battery operated utopia
same as Generation iON
except we plug in to a ghost in the wall
how to play instead how to learn
people and phones and classrooms don't exist
the pen no longer bears the truth
only soliloquies  and prose
write down what makes sense to you
for we are all battery operated now
there's no going back
no more easy bake oven
no more Winston Churchill
only mass consumption and consumerism
damn i need a scotch
my pen broke
phone numbers every where
does it make sense now?
are we destined for the stage of life?
edit edit first draft
publish til your fingers bleed
does it make sense now?
i jibber jabber
squeak and hiss
my eyes feel heavy
like a restless sleep
good morning then good night
which one is the same?

faith

Faith, free from fear
opens the gate
lets the dogs in
out
feeds them
bathes them
loves
loves them
how can there be love of a stray
success
is there meaning
has it gone away
thus vanish before my sight
pain
sitting down
standing up
hoola hoops
dance the pain away
back to faith
believe
understand
acknowledge
advise
know
you have to know
epistemology
formal or informal
inform, in context
repeat
electronic soap
a porta potty
guide us where we belong
mouthwash
homeward bound via cigar
cuban
trust
freedom
faith
syndication
faith
Lisa in both terms
one now
one soon
what will,
what can we accompish?

fear

there's nothing more frightening than fear
it will decimate a man
it will obsess a woman
each one living in their own private fear
nurturing themselves 

 children have fear
the ghosts in the basement
the attic of monsters
the clown underneath their bed
the vampire in the closet

women have more fear
not having that stripe every month
men fear for women
loss, ego death, decay
jobs and enigmas and garbage picking
walk into the office is enough fear 

sex is fear
release
bonding
no answers, only lust
sex releases fear for one tiny thump
back to normal
cigarette

nail-biting and neck itching
fear of not getting junk
naked lunch
forks
forks to mouth
food on them

fear of acceptance
fear to belong
fear of the brain
travels through the cortex into our soul
fear and trembling
fear and nothingness
a page in the back of the newspaper
the milk carton
the jail door
fear is about never leaving anything behind
the aliens, vikings and moors
the ottomans
fear of never existing
losing the battle

dream fear and loss
loathing
out of context
paranoid
find a way to the bathroom stall
fear of the toilet seat
fear of water
fear of lies

fears of scab picking
fears of spiders
animals, light, houses, medication
more fear
nothing but fear
always more
fear out of context
fear of being in
fear of being out

thus,
fear

bicycle

riding on my bicycle
well its not mine technically
method
technique
train here and go further
it's my roommates bike
we're friends
kind of
he works a lot
i sit at home and read
what else should i do?
i could do the dishes or cut the grass
why bother while the dishes pile up
the grass gets longer
reading
improve your mind
feed your head
physically you are fine
psychically the same
open a light
close the door
in the closet
out
it's all the same
why does it matter?
you were there once
now i'm using my brain

--Captain Von Bismarck

the ride

has this dream stopped?
is it all over now?
the joy the life the repeats.
i am happy
i know i am
have i lost my dreams
will they find me
I will get there
they will find me
i find myself
find
lost
contemplate
live
lust
desire
continuous motion
don't stop
keep those dreams alive
keep those dreams alive
fall asleep
wake up
this is the ride.

boogy woogy buggy

There's a bug under my pillow
he writes screenplays while i sleep
never caught the fellow
i'm sure he gets mighty mellow

this bug, named buggy
to me at least
taught me something interesting one day
he said, up and down we go, just stay on course

the buggy wuggy booba, writing under my head
i lay down beside him and he lets me read
i can't read anymore, i'm too excited
i wonder if he'll follow me down the rabbit hole

he contemplates then giggles
i wonder what he wrote
he's just a big ole buggy
seems to be in writer's rut

no rut could stop him
the bus is here
get that boogy woogy buggy
the hell away from here

13

This is the story about the number 13
it's an unlucky number
mean, cruel, jokerish
but when she gave you 13 you should have said
"well, honey, do they tip you for this work?"
and she'd be all like little bopeep and cutesy and such
she's cute I know
but you should have taken that toonie and said
"here's your tip for today"
and give her a smile
cause that would leave me 11 dollars in my hand

and 11 dollars, is an angel around this part of town.

Henry

i found her

she thought I was flirting with Pauline

but i found her

if she knows then i know

it's perfect

make me blush

teach me

Gg's 33rd dream

well she woke up again (well great)
under the stars so bright (my eyes hurts)
can you listen john paul and mary
can you hear the sound (tweet tweet)

ventriloquist walks (always up hill)
i'm leaving today (soon)
to leave this mobile highway (route 0101010)
keep the cool air at bay (jimmy plays)

now mister can't you see me
i'm standing right there
you listen to my whistling (keep in tune)
you listen to the chair (it's a big table)

i'm passed out in a haze somewhere (not purple, I swear)
speaking to the people i know (you and you and you)
they have to bounce around me (hello)
keep a little steady flow (spring water)

little whiskers on a kitty cat (meow)
she humbly accepts the food (yum)
i haven't eaten in a decade (no lie)
might as well try cat food (oh my)

the preachers preach so mighty (up on the pedestal)
the politicians try to understand (write it down)
if they want a political movement (my bowels ache)
just call Manuela in (she's great)

she kicks me in the forehead (again)
i try to stay awake (snores)
she puts me into flash drive (0101010)
i'm just baking cake (no frosting)

the competition is now for gold (mostly silver for me)
we must presently now we see (sight)
the goal post is the presence (I'm there)
i think its all about Hymn now (who's him)

type the numbers into your machine (chase)
i walk on pass the gate (the boulevard)
don't mind me i'm just curious (i'm looking at your shoes)
don't you hideaway for me (it's mum)

my teeth they eat the apples (then frown)
i jump up and down (and down and up)
like a newspaper boy (herethy)
singing out loud (raspy)

i hope all well will guide me (spirits, no drinks)
the sailors swollen shut (bar fly last week)
i might just hope on that railway (a motorbus could be)
give them all something to talk about (quit being mean)

take your daily paper (read it twice)
read about it someday (okay)
screeching on stage like bob (dillon)
hell that might be my 33rd dream (sneeze)

Gg

generic formulas

Generic formulas to cure the weak
cough and cold, mild and meek
stand through the soft ground
repeat after me

does it join you?
have you allowed yourself to stop?
stop shoving that waste into yourself
become the man you want to be

i have to get fat
i know the word hurts but it's true
no muscle, just skin
precision factors, commissions peak

the microwave twirls
the teevee burns
radioactive beams in the air
make my head hurt because they are there

you think i like candy,
soft-serve ice cream
a little bit of coca-cola
some lemon ice

i do not, you fiends
i live for the day
an active man
Nietzsche is to blame

his back hurts and he cries
he belches and drools
converter in hand
makes him look like a fool

the country is weak
the rich fight the rich
they don't care for the need
just a receipt

turn your head for a moment
spill some water on the ground
remember those who have fallen
the ones who stood proud

Gg

jester

entranced by the serpents tail
it wraps around the prince`s neck
softly, obeying, and then lush
sprung forth to serenade the king

for it is a jester in a serpents suit
there`s moments when you feel good
then there are moments when you don`t
hence, jester comes into play

he plays and laughs and swims
of course  he jests, what else should he do
should he cough in the face of Hades
should he cough in the face of Zeus

for the brothers know, those masons
with their poetry and free will
to understand the basics, we must look to Comte
even Nietzsche, or Hume or Locke

men of the metaphysics
men of another realm
you can see them
and then they frown

no kiddy books here my friends
we are talking like just men and women
in the land of the home
whichever, no, wherever thy my by

scripture is stolen
you look to the gods
when you mention ancient Egypt
expect a day away from it all

 a day for it all

fruition

hi! you know me and I don't know you

can we meet halfway?

where there is some room?

up and down the escalator we will go

beg for the difference, inglorious bold

we eat, we shit, we run to work

beginning of a promotion, that is always absurd

this is life and you are living it 

while some down below think of looking up as impossible

tear at your dress and let them laugh as you stand there

half naked, incomplete always looking for dread 

no moment complete, we rave and we mumble

is this what we have become?

I believe in the entity of unity and just

when time comes to fruition, we will be saved by one self

tear one

tear two

let them begin

they have been castrating me for years

let me think about it again, going round and round

enough to fill a piece of paper

it is all that I have 

a feather and an inkwell

think about when you first went through this conversation

your self

again and again

you look in the mirror

telling yourself it's alright

it's will be

this conversation is over.

dreams

hath thy dream be lossed
for we in the gallows think not
i do for i am believer of a dreaming
something far away, which may thy gods achieve
for me it is unknown
only sorrow for free
but for free has the advantage of getting better
the philosophers agree
even a man like Stanislavsky was around for free
yet no one knew
help me get back to the dreams I have
for not, I may fall into obsolete, purgatory, venom
am i absurd or do i not shed a tear like any other
may it be for me, or not
yet, as my readers, i hear no commotion
help me think for i am practically alone
in fear and dread and nothingness
can I see the light
will you let me find a way
a way out of this room
away out from this couch
a way, away, ways away
i crumble when i speak and i am told whath not to commence
the moment brings a glass
a fever, a pontoon
i could teach you what you wish to know
just ask as i glide down the boulevard
you may think i am crazy, hell so do i
it won`t stop me from gaining my goals
i look at my bedside and see the faces of dreams
the words of hopefulness
i can only read so much in a day
is that wrong
or is it so right that it draws contempt in  your heart
i am for free
for i am not there
i need to be me
to get out of here
unlock me oh lady of wrath
a god unknown in the ancient times
spare me your judgement

i will spare you my wisdom

the beginning of an ancient gallery

wise men on rocks

speaking to the vast of many

understand the word and motion

do not get seasick for I am wondrous

sneeze and some one will bless you

fart and cough!!

whisper sweet nothings into my ear

erect-shun

i know it happens like that sometimes

if you can beg the difference

vast landscapes of a utopia

all we hear about is dystopia

generally speaking we wish no more

we revolt!!

into our face book (E=mc2)

do you care have you gone mad yet

i have (I love you)

i love every waking minute of it

we hunch our pages and filled with grace

the letters that reach my soul to waste

deflect the movement yet speak a sound

a burp, a blech!, a stench no doubt

let me whisper something to you now

time is money and you just don`t know how

understand the sound

kids sitting in a unforgotten city landscape

treading on tough waves of water to get to their homeland

written by the telegraph printer

watching the information I see on the screen

I have to speak their language 

understand their words

consider the fractions and numerals

time has spent itself for me and I'm looking back

into the flames of dishonesty

waiting for the moment to arrive

she loves me, she loves me not

the same old story, everywhere I sit

leaving a mark on the grass

I know where I can stand

where the boutique is and the essence takes hold

do I ask how bored you must be by now

there's nothing like that to fuel the burn

limping and lusting and tumbling around

alone in a group of many, understand the sound

the light turns green, we walk together

hand-in-hand and we should all get better

better off than it is now

crumbs on my table, no fool can tell

enough of this ancient land, lets go to town

ain't seen before

ain't seen nothing like that in Georgia
never seen a thing like that today
we walk past the moment in the day time
oh Woody past the day time to play

New York City ain't a small place when your drunk
John Lee Hooker sings the songs
I'm waiting for my bus to get back to Georgia
see if I can find myself some light

while this guitar kills fascists
he got shot many times in the Belly with Lead
rich folk don't speak the language I'm speaking
ain't that just something for this man

each Dagger hits me square in the forehead
drinking that railway turpentine
doctor said i'd make me blind
why would I wanna see anyways?

theres Jack and Allen and even William S too
they write down their pages in a well-written poetry book
for Hank and Bob and sometimes Ramblin Jack
they made no fortune out of clay

now from the Western front
the cats emerge
politically at their best
I read a newspaper today
almost made me vomit

we all get a chance to sing the blues
I'm headed on down that highway
headed back to highway 61
back there to wear a ball and chain

sippin some frappe

the monument of the desperate story plagues the writer to his own pain

the writer cannot feel this pain because he has no organs for senses or feeling

he just exists, he's there and he has a common hand and writes with it

the temper of the common friend, speaks to me in the tones of spiritual indignation

welcome to the full blown past

of a mind that was psyched when he felt like the time has come to be ready and move

get away from this place and tell me how you feel

when can we be together

what can we do again?

are we even in this moment, do you see what's around you?

we can be gods, for just one day of course

i'll be sipping some frappe and we'll find you soon.

run to me now

the future is in your hands

baby why do you figure out your plan

i wonder why you trying to break free

complimenting your degree

i awoke in the sunny morning

i whisper in the sand

come to me, my baby darling

come gather round me tonight

I'll tell you a story

how life's supposed to be

you ready for this girl

do you believe in the essence of time to be?

the moment we touched

was the night of the love

he works the cause and effect

in the gentle sky

break free from the casket

throw Johnny a dime

now when I whisper in your ear

i want you so near

help me find destiny

it'll make me feel glad

these visions I see

both of you and me

can we turn up the music?

in the mind of a child

the orchestra plays 

to your daddy's dismay

run to me now

run to me now

run to me now

said the shaman to the dirt

think about those folks

forget about them all around

jump in the sky

you may never come down

in the sky

in the sky

in the sky 

up above

in the sky

Gg

missed the swing

sitting back again
in the same coffee shop
where am i?
who are you?
what arrrre you doing reading this?

tell me why, you must,
you have to
think about it
think clearly and figure it out
it may cloud your mind through perception
could even be visually seen?

did you read the book?
can't you believe?
I speak when we dance
I twirl when we compete

I get sick when I twirl
you laugh in my face
can you dig it child
it happens every time you say grace

next to bat is a man named Joe
he practices yoga
a man stretching at night
people watch and take pictures
of a similar fight

Joe missed the swing
he was so much better before
what had changed?
what hath Joe done?

he clogged his arteries with greasy food
they made him eat bread
and cake and pie too
he wasn't Joe anymore
just a simple wangadoo

a simple sauna, a couple of runs
Joe couldn't pass 1st base
so what did they do with Joe
the big swinger bat
they left him to the Orioles
paying the Blue Jays back

cherries on

write for the screen
they told me
who's they?
are you they?

could be day but it's night time now
play a little diddly til the cat goes meow
sit on your sofa and drink it all drunk
get passed the test that you gonna flunk

you drink and drive, no care in the world
cop busts you over, oh shit hide the squirrel
"hello officer, is there a problem?"
he smells my breath, shit this gonna be a problem

"where you folks headed?'
down south I assumed
well get your ass there
before I taser you too

shit, what a relief, I thought we be goners for sure
then he pulled up next to me, cherries on
he wasn't going to let me get very far
he walked over to my side, flashlight in his hand

"you forgot your license"
he tucked it into my hand
my god, my hearts racing
i gotta catch my breath

then you wake up on the floor
heinken in your hand, you see your girl
triple soda from me to you
she kicks me in the stomach, what the fuck did i do

"you been staring at that bitch all night, you self hating boo"
now I admit I was checking her out, that booty gave me no doubt
i lay on the floor and think of the past
did this story even make any sense?

aloe vera

Vincent Aloevera was a brat, a goddamn lazy motherfucker who thought he could break through and mess with me. Fuckin' mess with my head and tell ME! fucking ME! what to do. I can't handle that shit when some hot headed new, what I expect, to be professional starts lipping me off about a lock that HE, HE couldn't break into. I know he was passed to me by the syndicate but who else knows exactly what that means. He could have been just some renegade that I had to babysit. The clock is ticking and the safe is still locked. I'm gonna shoot it, gawdamn. I tell him to get the fuck out of the way and I unload my glock. It's okay, I have another one at my ankle. And voila! We have the money and we are just in need of the way out. It was easy getting in and now I fear it will take a hell of a long time to get out of this condo. There's one elevator and stairs, on the 15th floor. The bags are filled with that beautiful, sexy, dreamy cash and Aloe thinks his shit don't stink. We make it out, with more than enough time. So, I figure, why not get his share of the cash too. It's the only logical way. Hell, I never killed a man before and I don't plan on  doing so. I tell Vincent to stop in the alleyway and I shoot both his knees and I see the bullet stick to the bone in the muzzle flash. There's problem number one out of the way and the cops are investing the 15th floor while I call a taxi and head to the bar.

This seedy shitty place but it's okay by me and  I need to drop off the money to someone name Ragu. I look over the barroom and I see my eyes meet with a man, must be Ragu. I throw the dough on the table. He gets the finders fee and I keep the rest.

"What happened to V?" Ragu asks

"Got shot, poor guy. Probably dying in an alleyway somewhere" I say.

I leave the bar, no drink. I need to hide this money. So, I go to the OTB and play the game. I'm up 4 grand and I leave.

I go to sleep like a baby. And I put Aloe vera on my back.

in New York somewhere

Look, you don't know me and I don't know you

But I need you to hold this for me

Don't look inside, don't throw it in your purse

You have to believe me, it's an undying curse

-the man said with blood on his face

I left two friends for this bag

You don't have to know my name

Just keep it near your heart

This bag can change history, both our lives

Shit, the cops are on my tail

I gotta leave, good bye

-the man left jumping over fences

I hid in the shadow

Afraid of what I might find

Should I look in it now? Or save it til later?

What could it be. it could change the world?

I had to, no wait, I must stop, I'll wait

But the tension was killing me.

No! Yes! No! Yes! my thoughts titter tattered.

The police drove by and I sneak in a hotel lobby

This paper bag, I must open or else.

I looked inside and found myself dismay

a bag of bread

the only thing that could save his family

that man would go to jail

just to feed his family

-a tear at the eye of an unknown woman

in New York somewhere

I fell

I fell

fell down hard

when everything was looking up

it all fell at once

my face in the sand

dirt on my shoulders

an open grave

my name on the tombstone

a little picture from high school

no coffin, just another hole in the ground

could I pick myself up?

the dreams I had, nearly extinct

I can't turn back

timing

when I was looking in the mirror

missed my cue

as usual

I fell

but that won't stop me

I actually cried

in tears

barking to the angels at my side

they can lift me up

I won't go down again

maybe it's all just a faze

a middle life crisis

one forth of my life

everything changes

I have you

I can'r see

but I remember

 I can type

the words of destiny

where it stands

my dreams can come back

they have now

because of you

I want to thank you

thank you

for letting you break on through